Thursday, June 21, 2007

My company

Simplicity carries the winsomeness of always making us smile, irrespective of the form of it we are referring to.
Life never misses an opportunity of confronting us with a crossroad where ever possible.
There are options that signify innocence and beauty, while the counters symbolize gains and progression.
Fortunately or unfortunately for me, gains have always overweighed the alternatives. Today standing amidst Changi Airport, I am in the busiest and most industrious part of the world, trying to exercise my professional dart and hoping for the bull's eye.
This thought instils confidence and fills my soul with apprehension. The feeling is pretty similar to a kid's, being lost in the market.
He wants to rush back to his mother while I; wants to rush back to my roots and my comfort zone.
All these happening years of my life have transformed me from a human being to a black box, closed to its surrounding.
Time and again, people have tried to penetrate it, but not with much success.
I have been successful in mystifying my presence; but was that what I wanted?
After 26 years of my life, I am again throwing myself back in oblivion and to unknowns, and pretty unsure now, I am of the factors which drove me to that.

Referring to counters, I just imagine myself sitting on a narrow wooden bench of a tea stall, on my way to my heaven, Nainital and watching the Sun setting behind the distorted hills and sinking deep inside the valley.
This lucky fellow will be sight of someone else's eyes tomorrow sitting on the same bench as I am right now.
I won’t be there, but the things which remain will be the Sun and this bench.
I often wonder, do they talk with each other and if yes, what exactly do they discuss?
If they were as closed as my heart, they would definitely mind me interfering in their privacy.
This thought immediately made me jump off the bench and I started looking at the direction opposite to the Sun.
Is this my overreaction or concern, that makes me withdraw immediately from even the most comforting zones, if I anticipate my unwanted presence; or is it my judgemental nature, that makes me judge others on my barometers of psychology?
"Akele ho kya?", asked the chaaywala.
"Akela?," I further shot the question back to me.
Was I alone? I dont think so,
I am with Sun, this bench and my thoughts talking to both of them.
Alone was I, amidst the airports, MRTS and buses crowded to their capacity but successfully alienating us from each other.
Right here, right now, I have a company.
This thought made me look back confidently at the owner, who didnt seem to be interested in any response, as long as I was paying for his bench with the tea and snacks.
"What about you? You rarely have company here, dont you feel alone?"
I asked him.
"Hum, arre nahin hamara toh ghar yahin peeche hee hai,"
and with his words, rushed his two kids; and in a synchronized motion he lifted both of them in his arms with an aura of satisfaction and eternal bliss in his face. I passed a smile as I always do to kids around me wherever I go.
Yes, these kids are the beautiful souls that add life to this world.
How jealous I felt of the owner, and how much I wished to swap mine position with his, I don’t have words to explain.
Suddenly the emerging darkness, bought my attention back to my earlier company.
The Sun was setting fast now, with a red aura making it look bigger in size.
It gave the impression as if whatever light it glowed the world with, is shrinking back in it.
I turned my focus to bench and it immediately made me melancholy.
Even it was going to be devoid of company just like me.
Somehow I started identifying myself with it; now staring towards each other and trying to invade other's world and privacy.
Since we both were out of options, we decided to bear with each other....

to follow, my interview with the bench..

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Self Preservation


"Do you love him?, "she pounced with the question.
"What??", Ron gasped with surprise.
"I am sorry, I just asked out of mere oddity," she said.
"No no, its nothing like that. Yes, its not like that at all. But sunny is my best friend ", said Ron.
"So he is your best friend, and now he is getting married, so are you feeling bad or remorseful, about it ?".
"Hey listen, what is your name? "
"jenny, you can call me jenny."
"Ok Jenny, do I know you?," asked Ron
"I don't think so, because, I am Elina's friend, and when you hardly have a word with her, how would you know about her friends?", replied Jenny.
"Who said that to you?", he asked.
"Elina said to me.",she replied
"Hey it is not like that, we do talk a lot, just last Wednesday, we talked", said Ron.
"She said hi and you said hello? Was that what you referring to?"

"Actually I had some work so had to leave at that time. But what exactly did she say?", he sounded curious.
"Nothing, just that you guys know each other since one year but hardly had any memorable conversation. She actually feels really bad about having come between you and sunny." " By the way, I just returned from London , two days back, especially for Sunny and Elina'a marriage. We too are best friends you see", she told him."Ok, that sounds cool. So listen Jenny, its nothing of the sort you are thinking, I am pretty happy over sunny's marriage with Elina as they both love each other and make a perfect couple and its nothing like elina coming between two of us. We two are best of friends and will always remain so" Replied Ron with a stern voice.

"So can I say that you are perfectly normal, I mean to say, just like other guys. You know what I mean! Guys liking girls! Kind of stuff"

"Yes, yes, absolutely yes.I like girls, I do like girls just like other guys, in fact I like girls a lot.Girls are sooo… girlish, which is simply so pretty and of course adorable.I love all girls. Ohh I mean I like girls a lot. ", he gave her full possible assurance.

"I got it, I got what you mean so what about a dance?", she asked rather bluntly.
"Dance? Oh sorry, I am very poor dancer and specially have a bad leg today." he sounded confused or rather nervous.

"No problem at all, its ok, she said."Sunny is very handsome guy! Isn't he?" Jenny asked.

"yes, definitely he is, but why is that question targeted at me?" he asked.Nothing,actually I was looking at Sunny and elina dancing.Don't they look like perfect pair?"she asked.

"Yes, exactly , Sunny would prove a perfect husband,", said Ron"

In fact, both will prove excellent partner for the other." She completed him.
"You like photography a lot ?" she jumped to another topic.
"Yes, I do, how do you know". He asked.
“I simply saw the camera in your hand,” she replied bubbling with confidence over her observation.
“You are pretty sharp girl,” he complimented in a state of confusion.
"So what are you shooting now ?, Sunny ??"
"Yes,No, no actually both of them. Sunny had asked me to shoot his entire wedding.", he replied, trying to sound smooth but jenny's presence was making him nervous.

"sunny is calling you,", she said.
"where ?? where is he.?", he asked as he looked around.
"just kidding, please don't mind, they are having dinner there.
Can I see the film?", she asked with a smile.
"No, no it is still not complete." He replied in an instant.
"Ok, may be when it gets complete."
"Ya sure, I will then show it. Any way, I need to go now, have some work."
"You always have some work."
"Ya, kinda busy here.""What about dinner tonight?", she again proved bold.

"tonight, actually I will be busy till late night, so I am sorry, dinner wont be possible today."

"Hmmmn, no problem at all, but I must say to you, that this is a part of life. At one stage or the other your close ones are bound to move ahead, so you too need to do the same thing." She said and left.

Ron was not sure what to say or how to react.

"So you did the shoot?", he heard sunny's voice.
"Hey buddy, yes I did, you look terrific,""What about elina, you shoot her too right?", sunny asked with a smile.

"Yes, of course she also look great."

"Thanks a lot Ron.We are leaving now, will see you in a week's time, just keep in touch."

"Sure I will, you people have a great time. Will miss you

"Sunny smiled as he waved back while moving towards car with elina.

A week later.

"Ouch," said Ron as the cigarette burned his finger.He looked around the room, which looked pretty messed up.It was one complete week after sunny,s marriage and nothing had been cleaned since then.

Suddenly he heard the door bell.
"Is sunny back?, it is possible, as the week is over," he thought.

He opened the door
"Hey elina, where is sunny,"
"I am fine if you ever wished to ask so, and sunny is back home." said Elina.

"Ya, I was just going to ask that, how was the trip?" asked Ron
"It was great, you not busy now?", she asked as she moved inside the room.

"No, not now, but the room is pretty messed up.""Its ok, actually I just came to get the marriage's tape,"

"It is still not ready,"

"There it is," she saw the cassette without bothering what he said.
"Do you mind if I see the cassette a bit ,""Actually I had to go, "
but she had already started before he could say anything.

"hey there I am, this gown is beautiful, isn't it ?"
"yes it is, "he replied"

even this dress looks great," she kept saying to herself.
"This is extreme close up, " she kept mumbling with a laugh this time.

"Its me again,"
"Its me, again??"
"its me, its only me??"

she said now with the expressions changing from pleasant to surprised ones.She forwarded the film, but could only see herself everywhere.She looked back at him, he was looking away.

"Is it.., but you never said anything!", she said in a confused state.

"Hey actually, I have some work, I just remembered

Why did you never talked to me?", she asked sternly.

"You guys both loved each other dearly.

this is a kind of self preservation."He said and moved out of the room.

10.30 pm
It was 10.30 pm, at Elina's house. She was still under the shock when she heard the knock at the door. Ron was standing out with a bag.
"I came back to give you something which is yours."
He handed the bag to her, which contained the cassettes and her pictures."Thanks Ron."
"nothing to be thankful about, its yours only."he replied.
"I am sorry, I shouldn't have kept those at the first instance," he said
"I was just wondering if we could be friends together?", she asked skeptically.
"I don't think that would be a good idea", he replied.
She kissed him on his cheek as he said.
"Or may be, we can give it a try in future.", he seemed to have changed his mind.
She saw his back fading in the dark behind the lamp post as he walked away towards the turn.

courtesy---Love Actually

Thursday, May 25, 2006


She took her cell, from the table and went to her room.It was 2 pm, and normally she would have felt of taking a nap by this time, but today was different.She checked the phone. It was on ringing mode.She checked the volume. It was everything seemed prepared.she took the newspaper and started scanning the pages.every now and then, she kept peeping at the cell, as if her sight would make it ring.But that didnt happen. She again checked the phone, it was working, showing full signal.battery was fully charged.Nothing could be wrong, barring the call.She looked at the watch, it was 2.30.Half an hour had seemed like ages today. she kept the newspaper aside having had already scanned it 10 times within last half an hour.suddenly a brilliant idea appeared to her.she went to the almirah and took out the bundle of photo albums. she came back to her bed and started scanning them one by one.unlike the newspaper she was very religious in scanning the album, with zero probability of missing out any pic.she had repeated this exercise 1000 times but still it made her smile, everytime just like the first time. memories are yours, and no one can ever snatch them from you no matter whatever means one employs."its hard to see"
She watched him sitting in front of her, and savouring his lunch, as if that was his only objective in this earth, unaware of all the hassles and tumults of the outside world.But somehow she always cherished this sight.
“Knock knock”, she heard the door opening.
She jumped out of the bed.
She had fallen asleep, not sure when.
Immediately, she checked the phone, it showed no missed calls.
She checked the time.
It was 5.30 pm.
She had slept for 3 hours.
Sheetal had come.
“Hi mummy,” Sheetal said with a smile.
“Hi, how was your day,” she asked.
“Tiring, very tiring,” sheetal replied while letting her body fall on the bed before her.
“I will get you some water,” she said and made a move.
“Thanks mom, and by the way, akash called in the afternoon, he had reached there safely and on time.”, sheetal said.
She felt relieved but not very sure why she didn’t felt happier from inside.
May be she was expecting a call for her too.
She nudged off the thought with a smile and proceeded towards the kitchen.
“He will call me when free from office stuffs.
He must be so busy for giving a long call and I am fussing about the personal calls.
He is fine and that is enough for me.”, She kept circling around her thoughts while performing the daily chores.
But somehow she still wished if only he could have called her.
That night the dinner was quite silent.
Olny two of them.
Sheetal tried to hit some topics here and there but in vain.
Both were missing akash dearly.
It was the first time he was out on an assignment after marriage so was even more difficult for sheetal.
It was already 11, with heavy legs she moved towards her room, adueing good night to sheetal when se heard her phone ringing.
It was definitely akash.
She knew it.
Enthusiastically she picked up the phone.
Yes, it was akash.
“Hi mom, how are you.”, she heard his voice.
“I am fine akku, how are you, when did you reach, how was the flight..”,
“Hey wait wait mom, everything is fine here I already told sheetal about everything, you don’t worry and take proper rest.”
She found her flurry of questions interrupted.
“Yes, I got my eye sight checked..”
“Hey sorry mom, actually I am in a kind of hurry, is sheetal around there, I cannot reach her phone.”
“ya, wait for a second, sheetal!! ” she called
“Akash here”.
Sheetal came running and almost snatched the phone from her hand.
She knew it was her time to move back.
“May be I would talk after sheetal, I have to tell him so many things,” she thought to herself and waited for her time, which actually never came.
“You want to talk to mom?, she is here.”
She heard sheetal whispering.
She couldn’t here what akash said but saw sheetal disconnecting the phone.

She started for the bedroom.
She knew the night was going to be long, and indeed it was.
There were no calls further that night, no further photo album sessions, just staring in the deep abyss, as if assimilating his entire life in those two eyes.
Next day was Sunday, and she knew sheetal wont be going to office.
Her sleep got interrupted by the knock at the door.
The maid was here.
“Akash babu ka phone hai,” she announced.
“Sheetal uthi nhin kya, unko do”, she replied politely.
“madam toh kab kee uth gayee, but akash babu aapko pooch rahe hain,” she said while handling her the phone.
She couldn’t believe her ears, but whatever it was, se felt the tinge of happiness mixed with emotions surging out from her heart through her eyes.
“Good morning mom,” she heard him saying just the way he used to say few years back.
“Sorry kal meeting mein jana thha toh baat nahin kar paya,
Kal maine Sheetal se baat kar lee hai, aap dono ka passport visa ke liye agent lene aa jaega
Main aap logo ke bina nahin rah sakta.
As she heard him she couldnt but but feel her moist eyes.
“haan aap kal eyetest kee baat kar rahi thhi?,” he asked.
“Haan beta….”
Then started a conversation that went on for ever, atleast she felt so.
Standing behind the doors, sheetal smiled as she saw her talking on phone.
“I wont let her miss him, atleast till the time we don’t go there,” she said to herself and moved out.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Keep running…….

I did like RDB just like most of us but the reason might have taken a deviation from the barometer of normality. I saw myself right there on the screen in the veils of Karan.
We had things in common. Apart from the pleasant side, we both bore the darker sides of our life which both of us couldn’t manage to shed despite all the hassles and contend.
He is dysphoric, or rather say unsatiated over everything, ever quetching and somehow wants to run away from everything not realizing that what he wants to run away from, are the part of his very own life. He accepted living life as a coward same as I often end up doing in my life.
Unfortunately, an extremum tragedy was needed to get him into the right track and ignite the rather subdued spark which otherwise, always existed in him in a dormant state. Finally he had to shed the veil of cowardliness and accept the reality right on its face for the most distressful truth of his life. He does what he feels could be the most potent and executable end to his afflictive realities.
He might not have lived his life happily but did had a felicitous end with the ones he loved most.
For me, right now I dare not touch my darker side, as it gets difficult getting out of it, once you have entered.
Well hopefully I might not need such a bang to wake my senses.Someday I might realize that running might not be the best solution for everything. You do need to stand and face the realities for you as none other would take pains on your behalf. But till then, keep running……


She was God gifted.
Gifted with questions.
Lots of questions that constantly shattered her soul right from the moment she gained her senses.
Why her mother, the most loving person she knew, was constantly beaten up by her father?
Why the father, couldn’t walk properly whenever he came back at nights?
Why her grandmother felt depressed at her sight?
Why her mother used to cry daily hiding her in her bosom?
The list never ended, in fact, it kept on increasing with her age.

Why she was made to dress differently whenever those people visited her house
Why did they kept staring at her?

That day, she was happy, may be after a long time.
She had new dresses and a celebration at home, but who were the guests?
Where was she supposed to go?
This time she asked her mother.
Mother could only cry in response, she felt her questions made her cry.
She never asked her again.
Where was she going with those people?
Why was she leaving her mother and why did she let her go?
Who was the man she was sleeping with?
Why was he beating her up?
Why was he tearing her clothes?
What was he doing with her, why wasn’t her mother around to save her?
She kept sobbing whole night.
Something bad had happened last night, but what was it?
At night she saw the man again, walking just like her father.
Are they all supposed to walk like this at night?
She was again beaten up just like her mother, by her father.
So finally she was getting answers.
She had replaced her mother and the man, had replaced her father.
So now she was waiting for her replacement.
NO, there wont be her replacement, she decided.
She wont let the expected, to be wrestling with questions.
She made a firm decision in her mind, and started waiting for herself, but she knew, this time her life would be different.
But how? This was the latest one, and she knew, she was the only one to answer it.


Survival be the natural instinct, nevertheless hope idealizes the taper flaring itself burning in the anguish and dread of dashing hopes.
My cerebrations do appeared quite philosophical, luckily a phenomenon occurring rarely.
I lighted my cigarratte, wishing to exhale the fear out with it's smoke.
Another instance of elements of hope driving us and our quessing.
I took out the envelope from my jacket.
The wedding invitation read,
I smiled, not sure at what, but I did.
These years had definitely made me less assailable and simultaneously complacent over things that once seemed so crucial.
I looked around.
Everything seemed so familiar.

All of them are here,The bright red sun trading with the moon for its place, the infinitely stretching sea as calm as ever. The moist and the furious wind so much a trademark of Mumbai, struggling hard, on the battleground, my head, trying to blow away the hairs, but the military cut proved that a daunting and may be a boring task even.
Nothing seemed to have changed over these five years for them.
Except for a small intruder, who was now invading our territory.
A small girl, not more than 8 years in her white frock, occupied the throne, which once marked the occupancy of Anu.
Her long hairs very soon proved a healthy war front for the wind and the success was soon visible with her hair blowing as wild as possible.
Her mannerism looked familiar, her face too.
I looked at my watch, already, 30 minutes passed 6,
It was always a foolish idea, but hope again drove my senses.
I looked around for the girl' escorts.
There were none.
"hi, I am sunny, you alone here?", I asked her
she turned back, "yes, do you mind my sitting here alone.?",she asked with a tint of arrogance that made me smile.
Smiled I, again as she looked even more familiar.
"I am sorry, I didn't mean it, actually I came back to Mumbai after a long time.
I used to come her during my college days.", I replied rather politely.
"Ok, so where did you go?" she asked.
"Well I was in Singapore for last 5 years, actually its very far…."
"I know, I am not that ignorant,
why did you go?"
well that was rather blunt.
"For studies and work," I still replied.
"Ok, so why you came back?," she asked after a brief pause.
"well because I like my country a lot, especially Mumbai," I said smilingly with a sense of patriotism.
"Still you left it," she sighed.
There was silence again.
I again took out the wedding card, it dated 5 july 2003.
I looked at my watch again, it was already 7 pm.
There was no point in waiting back but I was rather bewildered by the young character.
"So, sunny, what are you doing here?", she asked as bluntly as ever.
"Well, I am here to meet my friend," I replied.
"Your girlfriend right?", she was definitely different then other kids.
"No, actually no more," I said.
"its ok, as it is I am not interested in you, so no issues with me."
this one took me right by my throat and I had to swallow my saliva to catch my breath
"I mean, she already got married, ",i replied."she got married, two years back. actually it was my fault. more interested in career and lucratives there.she waited patiently for three years, she could have waited for eternity, i knew but for her only guardian, her old grandmother wait no more was possible." i kept murmering and to my surprise she the younger one appeared quite patient in listening."So why are you here, and if i dare ask again, alone?,"she smiled, i think for the first time in the evening. "i used to come here regularly with my sister. she never told why she came here.""she didnt come today?""She died, 6 months back in a car accident, along with my brother in law.and if you ask, why still i am coming here, then sorry, i dont have an answer for it, as even i dont know why i keep coming here."sadness filled her voice, as she opened her heart out."i am sorry, your family must have felt terrible" could i say only this?, "i dont have a family, she was my only family. We lived with our grandmother, who died, a month after anu's marriage. now i live in an orphanage."lightening struck inside me.i immediately knew who she was and also why anu wasnt here. she was anu's sister sonu.tears gushed down my eyes, and the lightening seemed to have struck right at my heart.she didnt replied to my mails, now i know why.she always was here for me, but i was never.hope always bought her here and the same hope bought me here,"I know why anu used to come here.Now i even know why i am here.and sonu, why you are here, even that i know",Surprise filled her face as she heard her name "I am the one, who was to be here. i am sorry anu.i am sorry sonu. please forgive me for being late"i immediately got up."You no more are an orphan sonu.i very well know what drove me here. from now onwards i am your father."i kept murmering, though with high intensity."but i dont want to go away to another country", she said."Neither do I, once i did so, and lost everything. cant do it again.for the search of success, you never know what you could lose."i kept murmering, holding her hand and walking,towards her orphanage.i have to get her released from there.but the next task was a bit bigger. searching a job in my own country.

Voluntary ticket for expulsion

This is what we are looking for as new bees in the software industry.
A good onsite opportunity or even better a permanent job abroad, then let it be even in some even more underdeveloped or under privileged countries than India.
A visa is a an assurance to fame and dream come true for the entire family and persons associated with the individual but the truth beyond the borders unfolds an entirely different and sometimes horrifying story inexplicable beyond imagination.

The moment we moved out of college, and got into one of the MNC’s the race had just begun.
The prize was the ticket out of the country, not knowing that some of us might even end up moving backward in their careers rather than ahead and some of my friends who actually managed to move ahead are definitely some lucky mascots.
The incidents unfolding below are live experiences and not fiction of imagination, and any relationship with living or dead is highly solicited.
My role just limits to penning down them may be just for your own entertainment coz I don’t consider myself legitimate enough to force thoughts in anyone’s mind.

Some days back, there was some small news in a local newspaper about the crime committed by an Indian girl (atleast crime from this country’s standards, for which she got duly convicted)who was in Singapore with the school group expecting a time of the lifetime (well she definitely had one).
The girl was in this super mall, one of the most recognized in not only Singapore, but back home India as well. While playing around with friends, she suddenly took one article and started running with friends following, not knowing when she landed beyond the doors, and caused the security alarm shouting aloud.
Soon she was caught by security and without any arguments handed over to police not withstanding any arguments or pleas from the entire tour staff who were in Singapore for a so called goodwill tour. Finally the young girl had to spend three days and three nights in lockup till her father came from India, paid the fine and managed to got her daughter out, but not without her passport being stamped “convicted” which the local authority wanted to present as an example to others.
Finally, the girl might not understand the implications of the same but she definitely knows the horror she underwent in those three days and nights and the final surprise, was all these for a small article of merely 8 SGD worth. Well, this news didn’t made highlights and would never make as well.
Well this was the first view of city, when one move inside the corporate office he encounters a very different kind of so called professionalism, where a guy is never expected to be growing out of his school disciplined life.
Imagine yourself standing in rows daily with your colleagues, for 8 am prayer before starting work. Once the work is started you are not supposed to even whisper to you neighbor leave about cracking jokes with them. People often end up their first month without even bothering to know the name of their neighbor unless and until it is officially communicated to them through mails.
If you happen to work late for deliverables with the entire team, which is quite common in our industry, please do not expect your colleagues of ordering dinner for you even if they have decided on having a pizza party in the office, coz that party would be strictly meant for the bunch of colleagues in which you just don’t figure,.
The level of professionalism??, even if you happened to work till 4 am, you will have to report back in the office by 8 am for the morning’s prayer, after which you may take half day or full day’s leave depending on your manager’s approval, and if that guy happens to be one of these, just don’t expect much in that case.
Well every dark cloud does have a silver lining, alteast in the stories it is said so.
So even I was searching for one here during my initial days, and guess what! I did manage to find some. That would follow in the future listings.
Besides, here one common mode of punishment is canning. There are count of cannings for different level of crimes ranging from 3 upto 20 which I am very much sure that not an ordinary person can stand.

Sunday, March 19, 2006


On my way to office, today morning, just a weird question descended to my mind.How much importance can an individual carry for the other?.It was by all odds, a wierd thought considering the time it occured.On the very next station, a lady in mid thirties, with a kid, may be 3 or 4 years of age, boarded the train. The kid was creating all the dissonance and appeared to be in a state of delirium.It was not late, before the passengers realized that the boy was mentally challenged.Immediately, the treatment changed, some started looking over-concerned, some felt pity for the lady, even I stole a few looks at the kid. Definitely felt a bit sorry for her. Just the very moment I got the first look of her face as till now she was standing with her back towards me.Her face was full of excitement and enthusiasm towards her kid and there wasn’t even slightest tint of regret what so ever. Immediately I got my answer.No matter who you are, or how you are, there is always one person who loves you most, and she is your mother.
Irrespective of everything, you are the handsomest person for your mother, and if a girl, you are the most beautiful angel for her.
This is why, that kid never would have got the hint of his deviation from the so called normals.
May be some day, he would realize the difference and then would he realize the importance of the lady, his mother ?
The question remains to be answered.